By Alia Huzaidi (a recovering “anxious-avoidant”)
“If I just ignore it, this will all blow over… right?”
Sound familiar?
This thought often crosses our minds when navigating complex professional dynamics at work. Maybe a teammate keeps messing up tiny details. Or someone’s tone in meetings always feels… off. You sense the tension building. It’s awkward. You don’t want drama. You just want to get through the day without turning it into a “thing.”
So you let it slide. After all, who wants to have a tough conversation with someone they have to work with every day?
But here’s the thing: that peace you believe you’ve secured by ignoring the problem? It’s nothing but a fantasy masquerading as harmony. Do it one too many times, it becomes a silent stressor undermining performance, productivity, and workplace well-being.
The Real-Life Moment That Inspired This
Here’s a true (and slightly frustrating) story.
Some time ago, a colleague I work closely with started constantly asking very basic questions about tasks we’ve collaborated on before. At first, I chalked it up to a rough patch—maybe he was overwhelmed or genuinely confused. But over time, a pattern emerged: each time we were assigned something new, he’d feign uncertainty, ask repetitive questions, or conveniently claim he wasn’t sure how to proceed.
Annoyed by the constant “I don’t know”s, I found myself picking up the slack, thinking: “It’s easier to do it myself than explain it again.” But I knew, deep down, that this wasn’t just about workload –it was about avoidance. His, and now mine
My initial impulse? Say nothing. Keep the peace. Rationalize that he probably just needed support. But avoiding the conversation didn’t make the dynamic better—it made me quietly resentful.
Why Do We Avoid Conflict at Work?
In the world of human capital development, corporate training, we talk a lot about things like emotional intelligence, effective communication, and psychological safety. But when it comes to real-life moments like this? Even the best of us want to run the other way.
Because as much as we’d like to think of ourselves as clear-headed adults, we are all human. And, often what we label as “keeping the peace” is actually rooted in very real fears that come with being human.
Perhaps we’re terrified of damaging the relationships we’ve worked so hard to build. Perhaps confrontation just doesn’t seem like something we have the energy for –or maybe we’ve bought into the misconception that it will make things worse. And lastly, one of the biggest fears we come across as adults is the fear of being perceived as “difficult”.
However, if we do not manage these fears, we risk unravelling the very thing we want so badly to protect.
The Real Cost of Avoiding Confrontation
Avoidance might feel comfortable in the short term, but over time, tension builds.
Returning to the scenario with my colleague: Could I have kept doing the extra work and pretending everything was fine? Probably. But it doesn’t change the fact that I was overextending myself, nor does it take away the quiet frustration building between us.
By not addressing the behavior, I would’ve allowed an imbalanced dynamic to continue, risking long-term damage to both our working relationship and team morale. My silence wasn’t protecting our collaboration –it was slowly corroding it.
This is why so many human resources leaders are prioritizing corporate training focused on areas surrounding these kinds of workplace issues: difficult conversations, conflict resolution, and psychological safety are all essential soft skills to handle interpersonal workplace conflicts.
Turning Conflict into Growth: A Superpower
Here’s the good news: being able to hold tough conversations isn’t an inborn trait –it’s a learnable soft skill. And like any other skill, it improves with awareness, practice, and support.
Critical conversations aren’t about confrontation. You are not entering a duel where one side will leave in glory and the other a bloodied mess. To communicate is to establish connection and clarity.
Here’s a simple framework to handle tough conversations with emotional intelligence and leadership:
- Start with curiosity
To start a difficult conversation, begin by seeking mutual understanding.
Perhaps say: “Hey, I’ve noticed you often ask for help with tasks we’ve done together before. I wanted to check in—are you feeling unclear about your role, or is something else going on?”
- Name the impact
Let them know how their actions are affecting you and the team.
For example: “When I end up doing most of the work, it feels unbalanced and makes it harder for me to meet my own deadlines.”
- Invite collaboration
This isn’t about blame—it’s about finding a better way forward together.
Try: “Let’s talk about how we can make this more manageable for both of us. Maybe we can clarify responsibilities or find a better way to support each other moving forward.”
It might seem like overkill to have such strategic thinking for something as simple as a conversation, but the ability to handle interpersonal tension with critical thinking and problem solving skills is what truly sets strong leaders apart.
Courage Over Comfort
The fantasy of conflict avoidance is tempting –but ultimately, it’s just that: a fantasy.
Real connection, real resolution, and real respect come from choosing courage over comfort. From speaking up rather than shutting down. From seeing difficult conversations not as confrontations, but as opportunities to grow together.
So next time you’re tempted to say, “It’ll blow over”, ask yourself: What might be possible if I stepped into this moment with clarity and care?
Because keeping the peace isn’t the same as making peace. And critical conversations? They’re the bridge to something better.
